Welcome Back

I missed this feeling. A lot. Let's keep it around. We can.

New Neighbour?

Why hello West Nile Virus, welcome to the neighbourhood. That was a lovely little brochure to find in the morning. But it was nice to go to bed a decent time and wake up early. Like 8AM early. On my own. Yeah. Let's keep this up.

Dear Rachel...

It's been nice getting to see you again, but I'd appreciate it if you'd stay out of my dreams. I get it. I want to see you and you'll never really go away. Okay. But just give me some more time. Thank you.

Love, Patrick

Chaos!

This is getting out of hand. I am incredibly confused and concerned with my life. I don't really know what's going on. I need to restore order. I will.

"to know her is to love her"

Uhoh

Well this is getting disappointing. Now that time has passed, Katie is revealing herself as a bit of a downer which is nothing I need. I can handle her neediness, but this could be a deal breaker. We'll see how things go.

Resurrected

I have not felt this positive in a long time. I feel rejuvenated after this weekend. My mind is sharper than ever. I have faith in myself. I did things I didn't know I could. I pushed myself and it felt good. There are people who are pulling for me. Those who, even when I can't see them, are hoping for the best for me. The Red could be a turning point in my life. I truly believe in this. I hope this is something that lasts. I will let it play itself out.

I need to thank Pete, Malcolm, both Andrews, Alex, Chris and Rachel, Melissa, Sarah, Anthony, and Danny. Some of the greatest and most supportive individuals I have ever met. Thank you for this weekend.

BuhBye

I'm going to miss Lynn. Her birthday party was yesterday and she's going to be adopted in September. Mae plans on staying off the list for a bit too. I will have no babies to hang out with. Oh well. I'll just have to talk to my teammates more.

Having Anthony back was good. The more people I have around here, the better.

Fall off

Wow. Master of Disaster. She truly is the evolution of self-doubt and insecurity.

I like where I'm at. This weekend will we awesome. Hanging out with Pete and Malcolm out at the Red. I look forward to this.

Solid Weekend

This weekend went quite well. Frisbee was a lot of fun, in spite of not having any close friends there. My guys from Wright State were, as always, incredibly friendly and helpful. It's nice to know that even if we don't really know each other that well, we can just relax and be ourselves. That's how life should be.

The team lost all three games, but winning the All-Star game was exciting. Along with winning a new light-up frisbee. Getting picked for people's fantasy team was hilarious and so much fun. Needs to happen more.

I loved getting to spend time with Katie. I may have been in an incredible amount of pain, as I still am, from frisbee, but it still felt good. Her family was incredibly nice and evidently I left a good impression upon them. Always helps to be yourself I suppose. Minus having to wear a kufi the entire time due to my ridiculous tan/burn line.

Driving back today was beautiful. I throughly enjoyed myself. Normally, getting lost would piss me off, but I loved it. I just kept driving. I had little idea where I was, but just kept going and made my way home. I hope everyone involved in the accident that resulted in my detour is alright.

Getting back and checking my email and everything, I realized how little I need this. The only worthwhile thing was an email from Dan about his dad. He suffered his second stroke and is in hospice. Seeing Dan's wise words about the frailty of life really rung through to me. I need to finally get ahold of him and Courtney. Perhaps Tim too. These people left an impact on me, helped to change my life for the better, and I can't just let them go away. I feel a need to remind them what they mean to me. My heart goes out to Dan during this time.

Love?

When I told Rachel I'd never love anyone as much as her, I meant it. Looking back, I feel that sentiment will hold true. There is no way I could ever give up so much of myself for anyone again. I will never love that much. I can't. I don't have it in me anymore. I, somewhat, feel terrible for that. I want to be able to love fully again, but I don't believe it's possible. I don't know where this will lead me, or the true long-term ramifications, but it is quite interesting to consider.

Moving On

After two years of something, it seems Rachel and I have finally decided to go our separate ways. Not necessarily under good terms, or any terms at all. I suppose I was just finally too much to deal with and she was too much for me. We were not all bad times, but those do seem to win out. Nothing ever went right there. Oh well. I have a lot of life to look forward to and I intend to make the most of it.

Aggravation

What in God's name does it take for Rachel to leave me the fuck alone. Honestly, what more do I need to say? I will say whatever it takes to get you out of my life. I'm trying to rid us of each other once and for all. Just let this happen. Please. You've never been good for me and I've never been good for you. Learn for once.

Way to Be

Never has anyone ruined my life as much as Rachel has. First the two worst years of my life from just about every standpoint and now this. Nobody else can ruin a great day so quickly. I guess having me suicidal for a year just wasn't enough.

Last Night

So last night...

As I was talking to Pete on the internet about how his friend hadn't called him back, I said I wished I had friends. At that moment, Chapnasty texts me. It was on. Kind of. We couldn't think of anything to do. The kids were having a night of loud debauchery and we wanted nothing to do with that. So we went for a walk around campus. On this walk, we found my friend Dustin who had just left his party because he was taking shit for not making his move on some girl who had to leave with her friends. Lap dances were involved for her locking herself in his bathroom. Nothing surprises me. So Chris and I go with him back to his house and hang out there. Good collection of people, some I knew, some I didn't. However, Brooks is Dustin's roommate. So I got to catch up with him. During the entire time we're there, Chris is texting his girlfriend who is mad at him for no real reason and just going on and on about how he's breaking her heart and she's crying in bed and such. Chris was visibly frustrated and knew he could do nothing. Evidently, he was a liar regardless. So after about an hour or two and several beers, Chris and I decide that I need to eat. So we walk back to SNu, get my bike, steal one for him, and ride to Qdoba. Driving simply was not an option. We see some friends there, talk to them then get in line right before a herd of bar folk get there. However, some sneak in front of us and one keeps calling us Stranger Danger. She was a lovely person. We make friends with her buddy who is behind us and I get my breakfast burrito. We hang out outside and eat on a curb. This is where I meet the first black man to ever like hockey. He yells out "YEAH BLACKHAWKS!" due to my shirt and fist pounds me, skips Chris, and goes on yelling and jumping down the sidewalk. Phenomenal. Then as we're getting ready to go back to the bikes, Stranger Danger comes back out, sees us, then yells that again. We chat with her friend for awhile then head our separate ways. Riding home, we pass this girl walking on the sidewalk and she asks us for a ride while we're going full speed and Chris yells out, "Sorry Kenzie." She then yells out, "How do you know me?" followed shortly by, "I hate you!" I could not stop laughing. It was a beautiful thing. So instead of going home, we decided to drop back by Dustin's, where he is beyond gone and hang out there before heading back to SNu. Once we got there, we smoked with Scott and Pruitt for a bit, then went to bed. It was great. We both agree that we need to do that again.

Excitement!

Legit, tonight was the most fun I've had in awhile. More on this when I wake up. Right now, I need to sleep.