Bid Day went missing

It seems everything is so frivolous anymore. Today could have not happened and that would have been fine. Nothing stands out. I'm just here. And even then, barely. The rampant immaturity surrounding me is annoying. I don't think less of them, it's just that the lack of responsibility and control demonstrated by all can be detrimental. I want no part in it. I need as much control over myself as I can get. I haven't been able to feel all day and as soon as Rachel signed off, I started crying. I wish she would have just called me instead. She only calls me when something is wrong. How can no one see how much I hurt?