Powerless and weak

Today proved to be difficult still, as I lay in bed until 2:30, with no reason or motivation to get up. Rachel is still, understandably, shaken by yesterday. There is no hope in sight. She is lost and has told me there is nothing I can do to help. Surrendering all power to her is painful, but must be done. This is now in her hands, and if we are meant to be together, then she will decide so for us. Deciding to pick up my Tricycle magazine, the article on relationships, namely unhealthy ones, caught my attention. Reading through it, I saw Rachel and my relationship unfold. We are both sides of lenchak to each other. We both give with nothing in return and take and take without rewarding the other. I have been so blind to what she does and it is difficult to look back on. However, I will become more aware of myself, speak less, and listen more. This will, hopefully, help in our relationship, or futures ones awaiting me. I hope it is the first. Time to get back into religion. Now I need to determine if I jump in or ease in. Only the events of my immediate future will tell.