Rant

I told myself this wouldn't happen, but I don't know what to do about it. I am stuck being madly in love with Rachel no matter what I do or try. Someone like her cannot be replaced, or at the very least in extremely difficult. The care, concern, and love she showed me is so special. I'm a fool to have lost that. Sure, she is still around, but things between us are drastically different now. No longer am I a top priority or shown the affection I once was. I'm generally okay with change, or even embracing, but this seems so much different. Before there was always knowing that we'd try again. That we couldn't be pulled apart because of our amazing connection. Now I'm left realizing she really means it this time. There won't be an "again" for us. I want to hope that there will be, that I can prove myself and our love will work. But she said she doesn't love me that way anymore. I just don't know. I don't know what to do about this, as there is little to nothing that I can do. I suppose just stick around and see how things work out between us. Friends could work out well, but as far as I can tell, I'll always want more and just never act on it. Such is life.

One would think it'd be easier to give up when it's been made clear I'm the only one wanting this. But for whatever reason, I can't bring myself to do it. I still feel Rachel is so much better than anyone else. She's moved on, I should too. Telling myself this over and over is helping, but still difficult to swallow. I want so badly to stop loving her that way, but this will take time. I'm jealous of how quickly she lost it.